When I began this little ‘blog’ some time back, I sort of knew what I wanted to do, and I was entirely clueless about how it would all work out.
I wanted to flex my muscles, my fingers, my brain. I wanted to see if I could once again do something that I had at some point in my life done fairly well and that I had then lost, but that I really, really wanted to get back. I wanted to see if I could build up to working some of the things that had been bouncing around inside my (sometimes entirely too) noisy brain out onto page, or screen as it were. And, truth be told, I wanted to see if there was anyone out there who seemed interested in what did land on the page, or screen.
It’s been an interesting experiment.
I have surprised myself. I have been surprised. Some of this has come quite naturally – which was liberating and encouraging in untold ways – and, if I’m honest, I have worked much harder than I expected to. I have learned that there are some lovely, lovely, lovely wonderful people out there who are willing to cheer me on and support me and offer me a kind of encouragement that I’ve not really experienced before. And, I’ve learned that those people aren’t necessarily the ones I would have expected to be there doing that. I’ve also learned that no matter how long I slave to find the right word or the right phrase, there are people out there who will tell me they understand, when they clearly do not.
For all of this, I am grateful.
And, on this day after the thirty-sixth London Marathon, I’m reminded that exercises like this are not all that different from my own stretch to that long, long run. Fat and sad, I started with 30-second bursts until, eventually, I was able to run the full 26+ miles. And, having done that a few times, I was happy to admit that that’s too far for me, and I’ll happily settle in at a few fewer miles.
Now, I want to stretch. I need to stretch. I want to focus my time and my energy and my emotional strength on that longer distance. On my book. So, my silence here will be greater and more complete than the sporadic fits and bursts of the last few months.
I might be back. In time. After the marathon.
(I really, really do thank those of you who have supported me so completely and unconditionally over these first experimental months. I could name you each, because your ‘likes’ and comments have touched me every single time, but I won’t, because names I thought might be there aren’t. But I thank you. I do. You got me to here. Which is good. Really. I think.)