So. I have, it appears, been on a break. It’s been months since I wrote here. Months since I shared. Months since I corresponded.
Hidden away. Hiding away. Sharing and talking and communicating only with those I trust completely.
The days, and weeks, and months have been . . . beyond difficult. Lonely. Isolated. Hopeless.
Not happy-go-lucky or cheerful or optimistic, I’m afraid.
And, so, so abandoned.
Me, of course, ever apologetic, will now say to you I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being cheerful. I’m sorry for bemoaning my state. I’m sorry for feeling completely let down and betrayed by friends and family whom I thought would be there for me. I’m sorry.
Indeed. I am sorry.
And, I do apologise for any burden my sharing brings to you.
What I know today, though, is that this will eventually lift. I am beginning to feel it even now.
I received good news this morning. It’s not the first time since this set in that I have received good news, but it is the first time in so, so (too, too) long that I knew, that I could recognise that the news was good.
And I went for a run today. It’s not the first run. It’s not even the first outdoor run. But it’s the first I actively appreciated in a long, long, (too, too) long time. I felt the good in my body and my bones and brain.
This will lift. And I will be back. I will be back stronger and freer and angrier and harder. I will be back.
Tomorrow? Next week? Next month? We’ll see. Sooner rather than later, I hope.
In the meantime, you go send someone a note. Check in on them. Just ask ‘how are you?’. That’s all it takes.
It’s lonely in the darkness.
We need to know you’re there.