New year, new me. That’s the saying, right? The calendar has flipped from 31 December to 1 January and so, clearly, the world has changed.
Yep. I’m as guilty as anyone. ‘This year’s gonna be different. I’m mean, it’s gotta be better, right. . . . Right?’.
Well. We’ll see.
Now, of course, the calendar’s not only flipped from 31 December to 1 January, but it’s flipped again from 31 January to 1 February.
And. . . .
Well. . . .
Hmmmmmm. . . .
The world still seems pretty angry and pretty bonkers to me. Maybe not the world. Maybe not the whole world. But, there’s still a bit of a basketcase situation going on in DC, and, honestly, I’m not entirely sure what you call what’s going on at No 10. There’s still a whole lotta conversation about people who aren’t white and who weren’t born here. Rich people are still really fucking loaded and poor people, well, aren’t.
New year, new me? New year, new you?
No. Probably not.
But, there’s always hope. . . .
For some completely unexplainable reason, I actually have a bit more of that – hope – than I did this time last year. Maybe it’s time. Maybe I’ve just run out of energy. Or, maybe, it’s that I’m actually finding some energy in just how angry a few people have gotten. That anger reminds me that I’m not the only one who sees this, I’m not the only one who cares, I’m not alone.
Of course, I think I’m probably also feeling a bit better because last year gave me a chance to do some reflecting, some awakening, and, frankly, some housecleaning.
It’s funny. Maybe because it’s a new year or maybe because it was just time, I’ve been clearing up the site a bit. A bit of a face-lift, a bit of a re-org, and, maybe, in time, a bit of a re-focus (or, just, some focus. . .). And, in doing that, I discovered that I stopped posting regularly last year around May. And that, probably not coincidentally, coincided with my receiving an email from someone I thought had been cleared out years ago. (Honestly, it felt a bit stalkery and freaked me out a bit. In fact, I would, several months later, do something a little similar in tracking down an old friend – thankfully with different results – but it’s always important to remember that, while you might like to reconnect with someone, that someone might be perfectly happy without you.)
Anyway, so, in May, after ages of hoping someone would respond to something – anything – I had written, someone did and it was exactly what I did not want and that, along with just being in a completely awful mental space, meant I shut up shop.
And, you know, I’m okay with that.
Because, when I shut up shop, I took a bit of time to think about other relationships in my life. Which ones were working, which ones weren’t, which ones were worth the effort, and which ones were there only because I, and I alone, was putting in the effort.
And I cleared those houses and shut those shops too.
And I focussed on what I could change and where I could change and who I could count on and who I wanted to be able to count on me.
And, slowly, slowly, slowly, I started to get me back.
So, new year, new me?
I like old me. Ageing me.
But, more than that, I like knowing I’m surrounded and supported by people who also like old, ageing me.